You are not alone
by Chrystalie
Summary: Amy has learned a bad news from her doctor. How will Sheldon and the others react? This is my first fanfic in English * excited * I couldn't have done this without Chiany (Thank you again for accepting to be my beta reader) Rating may change in the future. I don't know if this first one will be a long story or not. Please review if you like :) I don't own anything, TBBT isn't mine
1. Chapter 1

Amy was in her car, on the way to visit her boyfriend.

She had finally had the answer of the test the doctor had prescribed few weeks ago.  
The origin of her headaches and vertigo had a name: tumor.  
To be specific, a malignant brain tumor so misplaced that no one couldn't do anything about it. That beats everything for a neuroscientist!  
She went over the situation a thousand times in her head, there were no solutions.

Yes, the doctor told her about the probability to live longer thanks to an experimental treatment.  
If it works as they wish, she knows she had a chance to be healthy and saved, but in the other way, she has a lot to lose if it fails. She knows brains. She knows where her tumor is. She knows she can stay paralyzed or worse.  
From the other side, she knows if she didn't do anything, she'll die.

There was no compromise.

She realized how alone she is in here and how bad she felt right now.

And she, she was a doctor in science, not a doctor in medicine. Even though, she would not open her own skull to try.  
For the love of science, maybe she would let them use her for their tests … as she uses her monkeys.

"It's a stupid reasoning Amy" she told herself, one hand on the steering wheel, the other trying to erase in a clumsy way the tears blurring her sight.

She had to see Sheldon.

She knows very well that he would not react as she'd like to. She knows as well as he does, that he's still unable of compassion and empathy. He's trying yes, but right now, it won't be enough.  
Knowing that, she just needed to see his face, hear his voice.  
No matter he would criticize her unscheduled visit, no matter what he will say or not after that…

Therefore, she parked few steps from the building. She starts to blame herself for coming. She doesn't want to bother him and hesitate to get out of her car.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't realize that she was being observed.  
Then the compulsive "knock knock knock" of Sheldon was heard against her window, she looked up and saw him there, surprised, Leonard in the back watching the scene.

She opened her window but couldn't say a word.

"_Amy, what are you doing here, it's not Thursday night, right?"_

Sheldon's hands were clutching on to the bags with the take-out dinner, apparently embarrassed by the situation, Sheldon is dancing from one foot to the other, waiting for her answer.

"_I know. It can wait. Good night Sheldon"_

She is about to leave but he prevents her.  
She can read in his eyes that he seems affected by her presence. He wants to understand.

"_Since you are here, would you like to come up with us, we eat Thai food tonight" Sheldon asks quietly_

"_I don't think I will be good company"_

"_You'll always be better company than Leonard. For once, the conversation will be put to a higher level"_

"_Hey!" retorts Leonard in his back_

"_Without offense Leonard, you know I am right. I don't even know why I repeat myself"_

He heard his friend blow but did not return. Amy finally nods, sketching out a smile.

Sheldon stepped aside the door so she could get out of her car.

Then they silently walk up the three stairs to finally arrive at the apartment 4A.

Once inside, they sat in their usual manner and places. They unwrapped their dishes and began to eat.  
Amy looked at her meal but was not hungry. In fact, it's been a while since appetite had left her. Now she understands why.  
She tried to bring her fork to her mouth and grimaced once she felt the taste of her food.

She felt him gazing at her from time to time. She barely talks, listening to Sheldon and Leonard about their respective day at work. Leonard is typing something on his phone, smiling.  
Then he stands up, placing his empty dish in the garbage.

"Okay, I'm going to see Penny; she absolutely wants to watch a romantic movie with me, again."

He sighs and smiles again.

"_Good night Leonard, say hi to my bestie for me please!"_

He nods and she looks at the door when he leaves and turns to Sheldon, still silent.  
Truth to be told, she knows that Leonard escaped the apartment because of the weird atmosphere in the air. Once the sound of door closing was heard, Sheldon starts to speak.

"_When you said that you would not be good company, I have to admit Amy you were right. You don't speak, don't eat … that's inappropriate from someone who hadn't asked before coming that late."_

"_I'm sorry Sheldon. I had a tough week early."_

He looks at her as he was thinking.

"_Do you still have your headaches? Do you want a hot beverage before going home?"_

"_Yes please, the same mixed tea as usual"_

She had not answered his question but he decided to not insist.

"_OK"_

She looked at him while he was preparing the tea. She was used to each of his routines. The tea bags. The way he still not approved the way she drinks hers. The respective cups.

Then she felt dizzy again. She lets herself sink a little more in the couch, not daring to move. Sheldon comes back to her, cups in his hands.  
Putting his own on the table and holding the other to Amy, at the time of reaching out the cup, she realizes her hands shaking and hastens to place them both on her thighs.  
Sheldon notices but says nothing. He puts her cup alongside to his and sits in his spot.

"_Sheldon, we have to speak" _Amy said in a serious tone

"_You know I hate when you start your sentences with "my name" and "we have to" _Sheldon retorted, annoyed by the fact she's still doing it

"_I don't know how to say … what I have to say"_

"_Do you want to break up with me Amy Farrah Fowler?"_

Amy surprised by what he means, quickly answered._ "No … I …"_

"_I know I did not fit in all the "perfect boyfriend boxes" but I made efforts lately"_

"_Sheldon …"_

"_I can see that something is not going right and I can't put my finger on this thing. You know how frustrating is it for me to always try to decode"_

"_I'm dying Sheldon__"_

He stares at her for a few minutes. Yes, she was pale, but that was not unusual. Her hands shake. But she said she was tired because of her week already.

"_Amy, we all die some day. It's what we call "the process in human nature". We are born, we live and we die and as you know, as long as cyborgs won't be ready to receive the transfer of our consciousness, things will be the same"_

She takes her breath. _"I'm dying. I have 6 months left. More or less"_

"_This is not funny! Are you trying to punish me for something I've done Amy?"_

She looked him in the eyes. He closes them as he twists his hand.  
She felt tears coming. She answered hardly.

"_This is not a joke Sheldon"_


	2. Chapter 2

_« Danger! Danger! »_

Sheldon is sitting in the middle of his bed, sweated and looking terrified.  
That's the third day in a row he wakes up in the middle of the night; restless as if he had a nightmare or if someone came into his bedroom.

_« No one is allowed to come in my room » _he said out loud_  
_  
He rubbed his face, watched the hour and sighed.  
3 hours left before the wake-up alarm. 3 hours before his daily routine has a sense.  
Yet, despite of his tiredness, he knows he won't be able to go back to sleep.

_« I'm dying, Sheldon »_

The only thing he could think about, were the words Amy pronounced Monday evening, when she had come unexpectedly.

_« This is not a joke… »_

This night, his world has completely turned upside down.  
Of course, Sheldon Lee Cooper was not a hippie, so he didn't cry, or either took Amy in his arms.  
He didn't try to be comforting, he stayed himself.  
He listened to her talk, he looked at her cry, he didn't move though, scared to have his legs give away beneath him.

He lay down again and closed his eyes. Behind his eyelid, the same movie is playing, again and again. 

[Flashback] 

When he opened is his eyes, he knew she can read in them what he felt at this moment.  
She didn't move, she stares at him a few seconds then looks at her hands.

"_I am sorry. I didn't mean to tell you what's happening, the way I did." _Amy is now facing him again, trying to keep calm.

She waits in hope he would say something but he won't, so she keeps going.

"_Yes I still have my headaches and as the time go on, they got worse"_ she said, answering to the question he asked earlier.

_"Few weeks ago I fell in my apartment for no reason, I decided to consult and the doctor prescribed a MRI. I have a Glioblastoma multiform, stage 3, almost 4. I can't be operated because of its size and of where it is."_

She puts two fingers on her head to show approximately where the tumor is located.  
Sheldon noticed that her eyes were strangely sparkling, like she wasn't talking about her anymore but about someone else, someone else's brain too.  
Then the sparkling disappeared and her eyes turned to green emerald to something much darker.

"_The doctor said __the likelihood of a cure__ is very low with the experimental treatment. The side effects are numerous and the risk, substantial."  
_

She bites her bottom lip and starts to cry, rubbing her thighs with the flat of her hands.  
Sheldon was still, he didn't know what to say. He was clearly not the man of the situation.  
The only thing he could think about is "why her, why Amy?"

_"Amy …" he whispered_

"_I don't know what to do … I'm so lost …" _Amy said, not letting him a chance to talk.

She looked into his eyes, as she was looking for an answer.  
And then, she asked suddenly.  
_  
"Sheldon, since you have always known what's good or not good in that universe, if it was you, what will you do?"  
_

**First, thank you so much for your reviews. It means a lot to me.  
And thank you again to Chiany (you're such a great help as a beta reader and I'm a big fan of your stories :) !) **


	3. Chapter 3

_"Sheldon, since you have always known what's good or not good in that universe, if it was you, what will you do?"  
_

_« What will I do …? » _Sheldon began to think, conscious of the expression and the waiting of his girlfriend.

What would he do if it was him instead of her?

He would certainly die.

He could not survive knowing himself limited.  
It would be something about a leg or an arm, it would be different.  
His brain was his tool; his brain allows him more than his body can.

He would refuse that they bury him as a simple passers-by, without the Dr. in front of his name.  
He dedicated his life to science, he can't lose that.  
He still had to share his gift to the greatest number and win his Nobel Prize.

He would tell her that he'd refuse any treatment and any medical intervention, because yes, he always know what's good or not, especially for him.

On the other hand, the decision she would take after his answer would be inadmissible.

For a few years now, he and Amy had a relationship of the spirit. She was his equal - even though he would never say it openly - and loves these moments spent in her company.

Amy changed him.

Little by little, she managed to get a true place in his world and although it is difficult for him to admit it, it would be unable to imagine his life without her.

No sound is heard in the apartment for a few minutes aside from his anarchic breathing.

Unable to give a coherent response, Sheldon began to run out of air, panicking.

"_I think I shall leave"_ Amy said, aware of Sheldon's state.

She starts to get up from the couch but before she reached her bag, Sheldon stopped her, his right hand on her arm.

_"Amy, please, wait"_ His tone of voice sounds almost imploring. He can't let her go. Not like that.

She sat back, waiting for him to talk.

"_You came to ask me what to do. You came because I am your boyfriend and according to our relationship agreement, that's my duty to take care of you when you're sick"_ he states calmly

"_We're not talking about having a cold here, Sheldon. If you want to take care of me because of our agreement, I can't let you do that."_

"_Why not?"_ he answered, surprised by her answer

"_Because I don't want you to take care of me because you have to but because you want to, that's the point" _She took a break and a deep breath

"_By the way, no __matter what my decision is, you're not responsible and we can terminate our relationship now" _She looked down and withdrew into herself**.**

"_What, no! Amy. No. Look at me, Amy. Look at me. Damn it, don't act like a child. You know I'm the one to do that."_ He expressed himself, more angrily than he thought.

"_You need to know I care about you Amy. You know that. The agreement exists because I need control in my life. You know that too. In fact, you know me better than anyone else. How could you consider, just one minute, that I don't want to be there for you when you need it"_

"_Probably because that's not you Sheldon"_ She said sadly, tears starting to flow again

"_Because I'm scared to die. Because I don't want you to deal with the sick, desperate and soon-to-be-dead Amy"_

"_Listen to me, that's me. What I will tell you right now, takes __me a lot of effort and you need to consider that."_ He cleared his throat

"_I need you to fight and stay alive because I … need you. In my life. I can't accept you … leaving … and I'm not telling you that because of our relationship agreement."_

"_We're a couple. As I told you before, it is really hard for me to be the one you're expecting. The one I think you deserve. So, if you really listen to me, if my opinion counts for you, take an appointment with your doctor and let him do whatever it helps."_

He puts his hand on hers to give sense to his words, even if he's shaking.

"_Oh, Sheldon …"_ She put her other hand on his; afraid he could change his mind.

But he couldn't.

He responded softly_ "You are not alone, Amy. Not anymore"_

[End of Flashback]

**Thank you again for your reviews, I hope you liked this chapter :)**  
**I'm writing the next one at this moment.**


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